September 3, 2013 (originally posted. Notice it was 3.5 months after his birth this time!)

There are many reasons we chose to have a home birth with this baby. I could write a novel about all of them, but it all boils down to a few things. I wanted and planned for a natural hospital birth with and for Emmett. For many reasons, that never happened and he was born via c-section on May 20, 2011. From that day on, I knew I would do whatever it took to ensure that this baby and I had the experience that I had wanted for Emmett and I.

From day one, the cards were stacked against us, as I was a mom with a "scarred" uterus. The medical field gets real uncomfortable when it comes to VBACs (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean-sections) and my doctor was very hesitant to "allow" me to attempt birthing vaginally. I knew better, and set off doing my own research. I could ramble on about statistics and evidence based research, but there is so much the main stream doesn't know.

What it comes down to are a couple very simple ideas.
1) A woman knows her body better than anyone, and her instincts should never be ignored.
2) A woman should be well informed of her birthing choices and free to decide as she sees fit.
3) A woman needs to birth where she feels the most comfortable and supported, with only people around her whom she trusts and that trust in her and the birthing process.

These simple ideas lead us to our midwives and the decision to proceed with a homebirth. Rest assured, this venture was very well researched and not taken lightly. I apologize if the idea makes you uncomfortable, but frankly, my birth isn't about you, it's about me and my family. This is one of the reasons not many knew about our choice. I didn't need to borrow anyone else's worry.

If you have something negative to say about it, please keep it to yourself, I don't care to hear it. But if you want to know more about the process, how we made our decision, or are thinking about this route yourself, PLEASE, feel free to contact me. I'd love to share more with you.

Now for the story. This is going to be long, I'm sorry, but I wanted to document it in detail to have for years to come, and to share my experience with people who may have never been exposed to such a natural, un-intervened with birth option.


Location:

My parent's house. Chosen instead of our apartment because of the extra room, no nosy neighbors, a comfortable place for Emmett and someone to watch him.

Cast of Characters:
Loren/Husband/Daddy
Emmett -- Our oldest son (2 years old at the time)
My mom/Janet
Loren's mom/Damita

My birthing team:
Joy, CPM (certified professional midwife)
Ruth, CNM (certified nurse midwife)
Sara (my doula and chiropractor)

Others:
My dad/Don
My brother/Brendan
Sushi friend/Corwin


Monday, May 20 (Emmett's 2nd Birthday and marks 39 weeks)

We meet with Joy at my parent's house to make sure everything is ready to go and to do a normal check up. Everything looks great with me and baby, as well as with our set up. We discuss what to do if I go into labor over the weekend, as Joy will be out of town from Friday morning through Monday evening. Mom jokes that Wednesday would be a good day(Her day off). I am fully prepared to go another week at least and another two or three if necessary. I'm feeling good and patient.

Tuesday, May 21 (39w1d)

Loren has the day off, so we decide to meet a friend for lunch. We stuff ourselves with sushi and other delicious goodies. It had been a while, and it really hit the spot! After lunch we head home and put Emmett down for a nap. I am suddenly exhausted and can't keep my eyes open. (Food coma? Or does my body know something I don't?) I take a nap on the couch and when I wake up I don't feel so good. I figure I ate more than I should have. The thought of labor never crosses my mind. I use the bathroom hoping to relieve the icky feeling I have. No such luck. I continue to have the Braxton Hicks contractions that I've been having for a couple weeks, but now I feel a little crampy as well. I'm not sure if it's a change in contractions or just a stomach ache.

Over the next couple hours, the BH contractions continue and the cramping doesn't let up. Loren makes dinner, venison sausage with sauerkraut and potatoes. Despite not feeling great, I was excited and it was delicious!! I ate quite a bit. (Later on while in labor, I am asked if I had eaten a decent dinner and we laugh about my "last meal" choice. It's also very interesting to note that despite gorging myself on sushi, venison, and sauerkraut, I was never once nauseous during labor, nor did I throw up. But with Emmett, where I wasn't allowed to eat before my induction or during labor, I puked my guts out the entire time.)

Sometime around 5 I start timing my contractions as they seem to be coming in a pattern now and I'm curious to know if it's anything timable. They are coming roughly 10-12 min apart and ranging anywhere from 30 sec to a minute. We ponder if this is anything significant, as they aren't painful at all. Just some tightening and cramps like with a normal menstrual period. As the evening goes on, we decide to make Joy aware of the situation and get her take on things.

19:15 Text to Joy:

"Well I've been having contractions all evening. I started timing them at 5 and they were 10-12 min apart, lasting anywhere from 30-60 seconds. For about the last half hour, they are more like 5-7 apart, still varying 30-60 seconds. Definitely more intense than before. Starting with tightening and peaking very crampy. And much more in my pubic/pelvic area."

19:17 Call from Joy 2 min 21 sec

Talked about contractions, their frequency, strength, location, etc. Determined they may or may not be the real thing and to stay in touch should things change.

19:30 Call to Damita

Let her know what was going on and to be on stand-by, ready to get on the road at any time.

20:08 Text from Joy:

"I'm going to try to catch some zzz's. Please let me know if things get stronger and if/when you head out to your parent's. We're ready for you when needed."

Meanwhile, my contractions continue to get more intense feeling. Not really painful, but enough that I have to pause what I am doing until it passes. They are still 5 min apart or so and lasting around a min. Emmett is bouncing off the walls and being very rambunctious...more so than usual. We start talking about whether or not we should get him ready for bed. Loren is suppose to work at 5am and needs to get to bed soon himself. We are torn on what to do. Finally, we decide that we should go to my parents' so that Emmett can be put to bed, and if things pick up, we don't have to wake him to pack up and leave. If things peter out, Loren can just leave for work from there. It doesn't make sense to stay at the apartment and make the decision later when we are all tired. We start packing things up to go.

20:50 Call to Mom

Fill her in on what's going on and that we've decided it would be best for us to come out.

21:08 Text to Joy:

"Leaving for my parents. Things have picked up."

21:09 Text from Joy:

"Do you want us to come out now too?"

21:10 Call to Joy 2 min 40 sec

I can't concentrate long enough to text long thoughts, so I call Joy instead. I tell her my contractions are 5 mins apart, lasting about a minute and we think it's best we be at my parents at this point. She asks if I want her and Ruth to meet us there or give us some time to get settled. A contraction hits and I can't answer. I hand the phone to Loren and they decide they will be there in an hour.

Leave the apartment for my parents'

I am still not entirely convinced this is really it, but I've never experience natural labor before and I am a little anxious. I'm a little concerned I am overreacting and it's a false alarm. By the time we get to my parents, I am no longer thinking about whether or not it's labor, I am too distracted working through contractions.

The car ride to my parent's

21:14 Call to Sara

No answer. I try to leave a message but a contraction hits and I give the phone to Loren to finish letting her know what is going on.

21:19 Call to Damita (from Loren)

He tells her we are heading to my parents, but not sure if she should leave yet. After they hang up, I tell Loren she might need to leave...I think this is happening!!

21:22 Call from Sara (Loren talks)

Fill her in on my status and she said she'd meet us at my parents'.

21:27 Text to Joy:

"I think you can come as soon as youre ready."  I couldn't focus enough to type "you're".

21:27 Text from Joy:

Ok!

21:40 Arrive at my parents' house

Loren tries to call his mom a couple times, but doesn't have good service.

21:45 Call from Mom to Damita

My mom fills her in and she hits the road. Unbeknownst to me at the time.

Between contractions on the drive, Loren and I work out our plan. I will grab the things I need immediately and head for the house. My dad and Brendan will be awake and they can help unload everything and take Emmett. Then I need the pool filled, ASAP! As soon as we pull up I make a mad dash for the house. Mom is already at the door, Dad asks what needs to be done. Mom asks me about my contractions, she can see how uncomfortable they are making me and I tell her they are about 3 mins apart now and lasting a minute. She comments something like "Wow, things have picked up".

 I run downstairs and dump off my stuff. I'm not sure what to do with myself. The contractions feel like terrible menstrual cramps and they sort of double me over. I get relief from being on my hands and knees through them. I head for the bathroom and figure that's a good place to start. I empty my bladder the best I can and strip down. The shower seems like my best option. I adjust the sprayer so that it is on my back while I kneel on the floor. Up until this point, I have been able to talk myself through contractions. Not that I could have a conversation, but that I could say things like "Ouch that really hurts" or "#$@%, this is not fun in a car!!" Once I move to the shower, things shift and I really have to concentrate on the contractions. I am now moaning and grimacing through them. I get relief for the couple minutes in between, but spend that time regrouping and adjusting so that my legs don't get to sore on the tile floor. As I feel the next one coming on, I get back on my hands and knees to prepare for it.

I have no idea what is going on outside of my little world. I was filled in later. The guys got everything unloaded and Emmett is upstairs kind of confused as to where I went. He was apparently asking about me and they told him I was in the bathroom. Dad and Loren start to get the pool ready. It had already been inflated for the couple weeks prior, but needed to be topped off with air. The little compressor in the house wasn't doing it, so  they ran it (in the wind and rain...I remember roads being wet, but not that it was raining or windy) out to the shed to fill it on the big compressor. Once they got it back inside, Loren hooked up the hose and started filling it. Despite being a large water heater, they ran out of hot water and started heating water in stock pots on the stove. For the rest of the evening, my mom stays very busy running back and forth with warm water to add to the pool.

At this point, I have lost all sense of time. Looking back, it seems very dream like (or a lot like looking back on a night of heavy drinking). With the help of my midwives' labor record, the video, and talking to my birth team, I piece the rest together.

Shortly after we arrived (9:45-9:55):

Sara arrives and joins me in the bathroom. I remember her arriving and thinking "Oh thank god! Please help me, I don't know what to do!" I continue on my hands and knees on the shower floor while she sits in the shower doorway telling me I'm doing good and to take contractions one at a time. I am very uncomfortable during contractions and a couple times say something to the effect of "Help me, Sara!" I also remember asking her, "This is really it, isn't it? It's not a false alarm." and we laugh. It was definitely go time. She puts counter pressure on my lower back during contractions and that takes the edge off.

21:55:

Joy arrives and joins me and Sara. She checks baby's heartbeat and things look good in the 130's. Joy pops in and out checking with Loren on the pool and getting her supplies set up.

 For about the next 30 mins I labor on my hands and knees in the shower with Sara supporting me. Joy checks baby's heartbeat every few contractions and things seem to be progressing. (Still no cervical checks! Yay!!) Contractions are coming every 2-3 mins and lasting about a min. Joy notes that they are strong and steady. My hands and knees are getting sore from the hard floor, so my mom and Joy find me some fluffy towels to put under me. It does help, but I ask (frequently) how much longer until I can get in the pool. "Soon", they say. At some point, we turned off the water. I wanted to save as much hot water for the pool as possible and was doing okay without it on.

My mom brings Emmett to the bathroom door. It's time for him to be in bed, and he can hear me from upstairs and is asking about me. I tell him I'm okay, goodnight, and that I love him. My dad and brother do a good job keeping him busy upstairs with toys and books, and he goes to sleep without a problem.

At about 10:25, Joy asks me if I have done a Hibiclens rinse. I say...umm...nope, I've been preoccupied. I tested positive for GBS, and despite attempting a few natural ways to get it under control, I tested positive again on the retest. Using Hibiclens (a strong antimicrobial antiseptic soap) during labor is an alternative to standard antibiotics you'd get in the hospital. Joy has me attempt a rinse, but isn't too worried, as my water hasn't broken yet and that is the best barrier to protect baby from germs.

Around 22:30:

Contractions shift. I had been groaning and whining through them up until this point. Suddenly my contractions peak with a very apparent "guttural grunt". Joy hears this and asks me if I'm feeling "pushy". I say, yeah, I think so, because I couldn't control the noise coming out of me or how my body started bearing down at the peak of contractions. Good news! That means my body is doing exactly what it needs to, and I don't have to even think about it. Even better news...the pool is ready!

After a contraction ends, Sara and Joy assist me into the family room and into the pool. The second I hit the warm water, I completely relax. Oh it was glorious! The pool is actually an inflatable kiddie pool. We set it up on two layers of carpet remnants that my parent's had. The floor of the pool is also full of air, so there is plenty of cushion and it's comfortable to sit in. It's deeper than average, and comes up to about my armpits when I am sitting. It also have lots of colorful fishies all over it. :) The lights are dim and the water is warm, besides the contractions (and the audience I barely noticed), it was very spa-like.

I sit reclined against the side of the pool with my legs stretched out, giving them a break. Contractions are still coming very strong and peaking with a bearing down feeling. I am very uncomfortable during, but between contractions, there is no pain at all. I feel tired, like I had just run up a flight of stairs, but without the adrenaline rush and heavy breathing. I spend that time regrouping and preparing for the next.

22:35:

Ruth arrives and is briefed on my labor, thus far. I don't remember her getting there, but I do remember at one point thinking, okay, Ruth is here now, let's do this.

All the while, I have been "verbalizing" through each contraction. My initial instinct is to sort of yell through them, but Sara and the midwives do a good job reminding me that I need to keep it low, from my gut, and not from my throat or I will be very, very sore the next day.(Flashback to high school cheerleading and the "ha-ha" line!) I have a hard time remembering to do that for quite a while. So when a contraction hits and I start yelling, they all say "Low. Low." I start saying "Low" in a low voice, and it helps. Looking back and watching the tape, you can definitely tell where I finally get into the groove because it gets, very, very quiet. Eventually, I am only sort of "humming" through them. For the record, despite finally figuring it out, it was already too late. My voice was very hoarse the next day.

22:47:

Contractions continue with the strong urge to push and I am still reclining in the pool. TMI alert: I suddenly feel something down below, and I reach down to find my mucus plus letting loose. I think to myself, get that thing out of my way, there is a baby coming!

22:52:

During the past few contractions, I have this feeling that there is something in my (and the baby's) way. I know it is my bag of waters and think to myself, I have to pop it. Baby is in the right position now, I just need to get the waters out of the way. So when the next contraction hits, I give a push and I feel the "pop"! I watch as it swirls out into the pool, nice an clear. Sweet, no meconium. Baby is doing just fine in there. I am so excited that my water didn't break until my body was ready and baby was in position! With Emmett, the doctor broke my water to "get things going", but he was not in the right position and without that cushion, was unable to properly align himself in the birth canal. Plus, with my GBS+ status, things were looking good to avoid passing the bacteria on to baby.

22:58:

Joy asks me if she can do a cervical check. She wants to make sure baby's head is in the right position and applying pressure to all the right areas. She also wants to make sure there is no cervix left in the way, so I can push freely at will. So with my first cervical check, around 6 hours into active labor, I am found to be at 10cm, complete, and baby is at a +3 station. YAHOO!!

23:10:

I am now on my knees again, leaning over the edge of the pool. Baby has moved to a +4 station. You will notice there isn't a lot of outside involvement going on. Loren is video recording and helping my mom with adding warm water to the tub. Sara is busy offering me fluids as often as I will take them and lightly whispering things like "You are doing great" and "Baby will be here soon". Besides her wiping my hair out of my face and occasionally rubbing my back, no one really touches me and I am free to move about how I want. It's GREAT! Joy continues to monitor baby's heartrate every couple contractions with Ruth keeping record. Things are looking and sounding good.

23:38:

I have flipped back to a reclining position. I haven't decided which position I prefer. But it doesn't take long for me to figure out that I don't like pushing on my back. The Joy and Ruth agree, I was making more progress kneeling.

23:52:

I am back on my knees, hanging over the side of the pool. When a contraction hits, I brace my hands on the floor of the pool and bury my head into the side. At some point I remember someone asking "Can she breathe like that?" I could, of course, but the soft plastic felt cool and comfortable to press against. Between contractions, I would relax back on the side. It didn't occur to me at the time, but I had my eyes closed almost the entire time. I was aware of everyone moving around me, and they would occasionally ask if I wanted a drink, needed to change position, or if I was comfortable, but for the most part, they left me alone. As long as I had a drink when I needed it and the water in the tub was warm, I was good.

At some point in here, it occurred to me that no one had called Damita, back! How was she going to make it in time!? That is when I learned that my mom had talked to her and she was well on her way.

Wednesday, May 22 (39w2d)

00:03:

I continued to allow my body to guide my pushing. I would bear down with the contractions and barely make any noise. Between contractions, everyone would go about doing their thing, then when the next contraction was revving up (you can see it coming by watching the muscles in my back), everyone would turn their full attention back to me. At this point, 1.5 cm of baby's head was visible! I would reach down and feel for it while I pushed. Joy and Ruth would encourage me to put counter pressure wherever I was feeling I needed it. For a lot of the contractions, I would hold my lower belly. Not really sure why, but it seemed to ease the discomfort.

00:18: 2cm of baby's head was now visible and Ruth noted that baby's head was almost staying. I could feel the baby when I reached down and it was incredibly encouraging! I kept thinking, stay there, baby! Quit sliding back up. But I knew that every contraction was doing something and not to worry about it. Not once did I think, "Oh crap...how am I going to do this" or "Someone get me something for the pain". It wasn't even painful in the sense that you would imagine. It was intense and uncomfortable, but completely doable.  I distinctly remember Ruth saying "Wow! Oh wow!" as I would push and things like "Good, good. Just like that." It felt good to know I was doing things right, just following my body and my instincts. But then I remember thinking "Yeah, you probably say that to everyone, but I don't care!" I'm doing this!

I remember thinking, what is taking this baby so long? Not because I was wore out, or couldn't do it anymore. But just that I thought it would happen faster than it did. In hind sight, things were moving along just fine. At that point I thought, no-no...it's okay if baby waits a little longer, Damita wasn't here yet. She can't miss it!

It was about this time that I realized I heard Ruth introducing herself to someone. I don't think I opened my eyes, but I remember hearing Damita's voice and thinking "Okay good, we can do this whenever baby is ready." Neither Loren nor I can remember if I said anything out loud, but I do remember acknowledging she was there.

00:33:

3-4 cm of baby's head is visible. I am bearing down and giving 2 or 3 good long pushes during each contraction. My back is to everyone in the room (and the camera) except Sara, who is up by my head. As baby's head is showing, I can hear people, especially the moms, cheering me on, telling me they can see it. I reach down and can feel baby's wrinkly little head. I can tell that there is a decent head of hair. I continue sipping water, bracing on my hands and knees, and burying my face in the side of the pool. Joy is now monitoring baby's hear rate every contraction. Never at any point was he in any distress. His heart rate was always great and variable, just what they want!

00:48:

More contractions. Voices saying "Lots of pressure. Lots of stretching", "Easy", "Beautiful job", "You are doing so good",  "Not much longer". Baby's head is now crowning 6-7 cm. Joy hasn't been telling me how much, but she has been showing everyone else using her fingers to show the circumference showing. But I know, I can feel it myself with my hands. I put counter pressure on myself to help with the stretching. Joy helps too, the best she can from her angle. I tell them "it burns" and Joy tells me to ease up and let myself stretch out, but it's hard to stop once you are pushing.

00:55:

A contraction hits! Baby is crowning a full 7-8 cm and it BURNS!!! And it HURTS! I know I should ease up and let my body stretch, I can get it on the next one, but I'm too eager and I push through it. (Looking back, this is when I ripped. I knew better, but I pushed when I should have just waited.) I take a breath and give another hard push....then relief! His head is out! The hard part is over! They tell me baby is turning. Joy tells me to reach down and feel my baby. :) I do just that. I can feel a nose, two eyes, lips and a little chin, and a wrinkly little forehead!

Damita exclaims that they see his or her face. He is still fully submerged in the water and has his eyes closed. I am anxiously waiting for the next contraction so I can meet my baby!

00:57:

The contractions hits and I give another big push and baby just slides right on out. I start to roll over onto my back, but Joy says "Wait, wait!!" One little foot still hadn't fully cleared, but half a second later it popped out and Joy was handing him to me as I flipped over. Loren called out "It's another boy!" I smiled, or at least I thought I did. I was overwhelmed with relief! Watching the video, I look exhausted, but I was thrilled. My mom was crying and laughing while she was recording. Damita was snapping pictures.

 I held my little guy against my chest and rubbed his back. Loren rubbed his feet. Ruth suctioned out his mouth and he was looking great. They checked his heart rate and it sounded good. His APGAR score was an 8 right away! And then a 9 and finally a 10! (Emmett's were 1 at 1 min, 9 at 5 min, and 9 at 10 min) I kissed his little head and snuggled him close with the towel they gave me.

They asked, "Well, is it a boy or a girl?". They didn't hear Loren say it, I guess, but he assured them, his anatomy class had taught him well, and it was definitely a boy! We all took a look, and agreed wholeheartedly!  He had Daddy's curly hair and goofy toes.

We all just sat there soaking up the moment. It was almost surreal. It was so calm and natural...it was almost anticlimactic! I sat there cuddling him and everyone stood around watching. No one rushed around, no one was demanding anything of me or of him. We just sat there. I continued to rub his back to make sure he was breathing well, but it was such a gentle and non-traumatic birth, he had no reason to cry out.

Joy exclaimed: "You pushed your baby out!!" And it finally hit! I DID! Oh what a relief. (I may or may not have said something  like "Take that, Dr. B!") We sat around chit chatting about him, how big we thought he was, how much he liked to move his hands around. I was cramping a little as my placenta detached, but I was in zero pain, and fully aware of everything going on.

01:12:

The umbilical cord stopped pulsating and Ruth and Daddy clamped then cut it. THAT is when baby got upset and let out a squeal. He was comfy and didn't want to be moved around. I suspect that is when my dad found out the baby was here. My brother, at some point, had snuck into his room and went to bed. He didn't even hear a peep once I wasn't yelling through contractions anymore.

01:13:

I gave a little push and my placenta was delivered. Joy checked it out, and it was in great shape. She bagged it up and put it in the freezer to later be encapsulated. There was a ton of vernix in the water and I rubbed all the vernix that was on him into his skin. Another great antibacterial barrier that nature designed. Not only did it help moisturize his skin, but because I ended up sitting in a bath of it, too, my skin was SUPER soft for days after.

01:20:

Loren took the little guy and the others helped me out of the pool and to towel off. I then climbed directly into a cozy bed that was already made up for us. The midwives checked me out and I had a small 2nd degree tear and a couple smaller splits. Joy stitched me up while Ruth got all of baby's stats.

Baby boy born in the water on Wednesday, May 22, 2013 at 12:57am. He weighed in at 8lbs 2 oz and 21 in long. His head was a solid 14.5 in and his chest circumference 14in. Name: Yet to be determined.

Around this time, my dad came down to meet his newest grandson. He was very happy to see that all had gone well. I nursed baby for a little bit while Joy was finishing up. After I was stitched up, I walked myself to the bathroom, something I didn't get to do for a day and a half after Emmett was born. Ruth congratulated me and said her goodbyes. As she was leaving, she told me how awesome I did, and how much she loves attending VBACs. I walked back to the bed where the grandma's were getting their turns cuddling the baby. I stood there chatting with Sara, Joy, Loren and our moms for a little while. They kept laughing at me for not wanting to lay down to rest. I just didn't feel the need. Joy did a final check, signed things off, made plans for a visit in the next day or so, and left. Sara helped me get something to eat, and she took off as well. The Grandma's went to bed, while Loren and I cuddled our new little man. They both fell asleep, but I was wide awake. So I got online and sent out a little message to some important people who had helped me though the whole process.

Wednesday Morning

My mom brought Emmett downstairs and he got to meet his new baby brother. He was real sweet about it, but seemed a bit confused, naturally. We got a couple pics and he went with grandma to have some breakfast. My dad and brother checked in with us before heading off to work. We still hadn't picked a name. We had a few names on a list and were hoping that once we met him, we would just know. We finally narrowed it down to 2 and decided that he was an Omri.  My mom ran to town and brought back some lunch. Damita had to get home to prepare for a big weekend at work, so we said our goodbyes and she left.  We spent the day just hanging out and resting. That afternoon, our good friend Ryan stopped by to meet Omri (he just happened to be coming through town, which NEVER happens anymore). We finally made our announcement to the world once the immediate family had been told. We stayed one more night and went back home the next evening.

The whole experience was amazing, and at the same time, no big deal. It all felt very natural and sort of like just another day as a family. Healing went much faster and more smoothly than with my C-section, and I wouldn't have had it any other way! I would have another home birth in a heartbeat.

I want to give special thanks to some amazing people for helping me to realize this amazing birth experience. First, to Loren, my wonderful husband who supported me every step of the way. Through my first birth, through all my research, through my tears and my frustration. I couldn't have done this without you. To my doula and chiropractor, Sara. Thank you for working through things with me and helping me find the path I belonged on. And thank you for helping to physically prepare my body to birth with ease. There is no doubt in my mind that those visits helped me enormously, both mentally and physically. To my amazing midwives, Joy and Ruth. Thank you for believing what I believed my body could do. Thank you for your amazing expertise and allowing me to follow my instincts under your watchful eyes and guidance. Thank you for letting me do my thing and not making my birth about you or your schedule. To our parents, for supporting our decision and trusting us to do what was best for us. Especially my parents, who took on the weight of preparation and worry to help us achieve our goal. We are forever thankful. Thank you to the amazing friends I made along this journey. Melek, Allysun and the many, many other women I found support from through my researching. Without you guys, I would have never been able to hash out my feelings on my C/S, my options this time around, or what birthing really means to me. Also thank you to the very few friends and family who did know beforehand what we were planning. (Mya, Bethany, Abby) I appreciate your concerns and lack of judgment. Knowing I had so many wonderful people pulling for me, allowed me to do my thing and bring Omri into this world in the most wonderful way.

Burrito baby!

May 22, 2011 (originally posted)

For those of you who haven't been following my pregnancy, I was preparing for a natural and unmedicated birth. My pregnancy went extremely smoothly without complications. Everything was looking great and going right on schedule. However, the Army felt it needed to intrude on our plans and my due date was to fall on the same day of Loren's departure ceremony. He is set to leave for his Mob. station in a few days and we couldn't bear the idea that he would miss the birth of his first child (we didn't know if we were having a boy or girl). So my doctor decided she wanted to induce about a week early so that he wouldn't miss the birth and so that we could get settled in at home before he leaves.

That is what we were preparing for, but much like life in the military, Emmett's birth was anything but what we had planned.

On Thursday, May 19th at 4pm, I went into the hospital for my planned induction. Once they had me settled in and all my paperwork ready to go, they started me on Cervidil to get my cervix to ripen and get things rolling. I continued to have Braxton Hicks contractions for the first hour or so and then about 2 hours in, I started to have very strong contractions. After a couple hours, they had increased in strength and frequency and lacked a "down" period. I went straight from one contraction to the next without any sort of relief. Hyper-stimulation is a risk of using Cervidil, so they took it out hoping that my contractions would continue at a more normal and bearable pace so that I could progress naturally without needing and pain meds.

Well at this point I was extremely worn out and had been in constant pain for the majority of the night. At 11pm I agreed to Nubain to relieve the pain and give me a chance to rest and hopefully get a little sleep. I felt great! That stuff was like magic and I was able to sleep for a couple hours. A few hours later it had worn off and I was back in some major pain, so they agreed to give me a second dose explaining that it usually isn't as effective the second time. It worked good for me, but it pretty much put Baby to sleep. His heart rate was fine, but he lacked natural ups and downs and the Dr didn't like that, so she said I couldn't continue with that.

So at about 6am on Friday, they started me on Pitocin to hopefully get my contractions under control and regulated. Well, Baby didn't like that either. So they turned that off as well. I, against my original plan, decided that an Epidural was going to be the only way to make it through labor. (Having been in strong labor for just about 12 hours) I got my Epi and of course felt better soon after. So all morning on Friday, I was able to labor and progress with just the use of an Epi for pain relief. My cervix dilated and thinned out great, so things were looking good that with just a few adjustments to our birth plan, we'd still get our mostly natural birth.

And that is when things really went awry. At about 1 o'clock, they checked me and I was nearly to 10 cm, however there was a piece of my cervix that was a bit swollen and in the way. They wanted to leave me a bit longer to see if it would thin out on it's own. I felt the urge to push and my Epi had wore off enough that I could feel everything but was not in any pain. So the Dr and nurse decided I could start pushing and hopefully be able to push past that last little bit. I started pushing my absolute hardest, multiple times with each contractions. But I could feel that he wasn't really moving. I continued to push while they tried to get his head past that little bit of cervix, but he would slip back each time. After 2 hours of pushing, they finally got his head past it, and he was right there where they could see his head!

He was now in a position where it was extremely uncomfortable between contractions because he couldn't slide back up, but he wasn't moving down either. The Dr was concerned that his head just wasn't in the correct position and that his head was trying to come out sideways. She called the on call OB down for a second opinion. He checked me on the next push and confirmed that little man's head was lodged behind my pubic bone and most likely would not budge from my pushing. He tried to get his hands in to turn him, but there just wasn't enough room.

The OB then told us that in his opinion, a C-section would be the only logical option. Loren and I were both heart broken. It was our absolute last option and was our "only in an emergency" solution. Baby's heart rate was fine and he wasn't in any distress. I was also fine, but EXTREMELY uncomfortable because my body wanted me to push, but I had no where to push him. This being 21 hours into labor, 2 of which were spent pushing, I just didn't have it in me to continue trying different options. So we agreed and they prepped me for surgery.

Being exhausted and having essentially everything go exactly how I hoped it wouldn't, I was beyond emotional. I wanted it over and I was pissed at myself for not being able to do what I had planned. I laid in the OR with my eyes closed just wanting it to be over and not wanting to talk to any of the nurses. Loren was equally upset, but kept reassuring me that I had done everything I could have. The surgery went well and pretty quickly considering how long the rest of the process was.

But we weren't done yet. When the Dr pulled the baby out, Loren was able to stand up and take pictures of him being pulled out (very cool pics if you want to see them!). Loren immediately announced to me that it was a boy! I tried to smile, but I was so drained I'm not even sure I did. They took him off to the side to get cleaned up, but he wasn't crying. More and more nurses crowded around him with oxygen and all sorts of things, but he still didn't make any noise. I could see that he was moving a bit, but he was sort of behind me and was hard to see. I closed my eyes and thought for sure that after everything we had been through, that we were going to lose him.

Loren was able to hold my hand while still watching the nurses. I heard one of them call up to the NICU and said they needed a resuscitation. It was like a terrible nightmare that I couldn't escape. After almost 4 minutes they got him to whine a little, but he never did cry like a newborn should. Finally a nurse came over and explained that as bad as it looked, he was going to be just fine. Apparently whatever medication they gave me and gotten to him a bit and he was very groggy and out of it as well. His APGAR scores were 1 at 1 min, 9 at 5 min and 9 at 10 min! Talk about scary!

They got him cleaned up and I got to give him a kiss before him and Loren left us to go wait in recovery. It took what seemed to be forever to stitch me up, but the worst part was, I had the shakes...BAD! I couldn't NOT shake. It was like I was having a seizure. But it is evidently normal because of all the hormones. It was just the terrible icing on the cake to my ridiculous labor.

But since we got back into a room and settled, everything has gone wonderfully! Emmett has passed every test with flying colors, taken every needle prick and poke like a champ, and hardly cries more than a sad little whimper! Breastfeeding is going as well as can be expected. We're still both learning, but we'll get there. I am pretty uncomfortable as I essentially went through both a natural labor and c-section. But thankfully saved myself some very uncomfortable tearing, etc.

We are home now. Both my OB and the pediatrician okay us to leave a day early as long as things looked good with both of us. Most all the Dr and nurses knew of our situation and did everything they could to get us prepared and out of there so we could be settled at home for a couple days before Loren has to leave. We had some pretty amazing staff helping us out, and I thank our lucky stars for that.

Meeting my son for the first time during my cesarean birth.